Insight From Jan

Published 2020-12-07

Originally published on Daily Kos on December 7, 2020.

Two handmade ornaments created by Jan hanging on a Christmas tree.

Last year I was looking to give back. I had moved to Maine and was no longer involved in the San Francisco AA community where in my small way I felt I was giving back to my community. I was (and am) reluctant to start attending meetings in churches.

I saw a posting from Jan4Insight and her cat LuvLee asking for help. She had online shops, so she wasn’t looking for a handout, she had some nice homemade, artistic crafts, and I ordered some note cards. I got more “likes” on my simple reply, “I bought some cards, hope that helps” than on most of my DK comments before or since. She has friends here. As Kos has said, the cat and dog people are some of the nicest people on this site.

Her story struck a nerve. She was getting older, had outlived her savings, and was struggling with a mortgage. I too was getting older, and had lost property when the housing bubble burst. “There but for the grace of….”

So her posts got more desperate. I bought more cards. I have so many cards! I couldn’t keep buying more cards!

About this point DK banned her from further posts. She broke the rules and it cost her. It broke my heart. I contacted her and set up a small monthly donation, and got on her monthly mailing list.

I really didn’t need scarves or jewelry, so as Christmas came along I contacted her again to order some bookmarks to go in the Christmas cards I was sending out, and a couple ornaments to go on packages. I left the designs to her, mostly, and paid in advance (to help her mortgage payment, of course).

As you can see, her colorful swirls are from an elderly, shaky hand.

In the new year she stopped sending email updates.

I knew in my heart what had happened, but it took a number of months to confirm that she had passed. Of course I knew going in that part of helping another is that you are helping yourself. I have hand made cards I send to my closest friends on special occasions, and I have an ornament on my tree as renewed insight into the joy of connecting with another in a time of need.